This is what my bike looks like these days. Sometimes I wonder if I did move to Lappland or to Uppsala..!onsdag 26 november 2008
Happy Birthday
Wow!
It sure has been a while since I was last here..
Can't quite believe this fall is already over and we're approaching the end of the year. I guess, the busier you are, the more swiftly time flies by.
School is a challenge. I think mostly because most of my class mates are very ambitious and so am I. And thus, we don't want to leave anything unread, and that's gonna kill us in the end! The course we just started after having taken the first two exams last Friday, is going to mean no spare time whatsoever. I don't understand how they think sometimes. The head of the department who runs this class is not my favorite man in the world. He surely has no sympathy, and it seems like he wants us to suffer, not to learn.
Today it's my birthday. I must say it's been rather weird being on my own in a new town on a birthday. It feels like I'm further away from all things familiar today than on any random day. Strange feeling to wake up without anybody there.
To conclude this post, I need to bitch about something. I don't think it's OK to, as a close friend, wish somebody happy birthday via facebook or SMS unless you're abroad or something. Do you? I think that today's technology has taken away from real friendships. Facebook is for keeping in touch wíth people far away, or finding out what happened to friends you haven't seen for years. Not for maintaining close relationships..
Over and out.
It sure has been a while since I was last here..
Can't quite believe this fall is already over and we're approaching the end of the year. I guess, the busier you are, the more swiftly time flies by.
School is a challenge. I think mostly because most of my class mates are very ambitious and so am I. And thus, we don't want to leave anything unread, and that's gonna kill us in the end! The course we just started after having taken the first two exams last Friday, is going to mean no spare time whatsoever. I don't understand how they think sometimes. The head of the department who runs this class is not my favorite man in the world. He surely has no sympathy, and it seems like he wants us to suffer, not to learn.
Today it's my birthday. I must say it's been rather weird being on my own in a new town on a birthday. It feels like I'm further away from all things familiar today than on any random day. Strange feeling to wake up without anybody there.
To conclude this post, I need to bitch about something. I don't think it's OK to, as a close friend, wish somebody happy birthday via facebook or SMS unless you're abroad or something. Do you? I think that today's technology has taken away from real friendships. Facebook is for keeping in touch wíth people far away, or finding out what happened to friends you haven't seen for years. Not for maintaining close relationships..
Over and out.
torsdag 18 september 2008
Histology and "Barbie Girl"
Could somebody please offer to take my histology exam for me?! After a brief lecture on the different structures we're required to find among our 200 examples where our tutor couldn't even find them, my current state has changed from calm to slightly panic struck.
But now I have to put all my focus on choreography and lyrics for tomorrow's performance at the "PPK"-party. I lead such a busy life! I'm glad it has some variation at least!
But now I have to put all my focus on choreography and lyrics for tomorrow's performance at the "PPK"-party. I lead such a busy life! I'm glad it has some variation at least!
onsdag 17 september 2008
Late
I know this post is long overdue. And I also know I really shouldn't write it. Because I don't have time, and I'm slowly realizing I never will anymore.
School has started for real now. And it's great fun, but my oh my do we have a lot to do! Well, for those of you who are born Americans and are used to that type of med-school, this might not seem like a lot. I don't have 15 quizzes and 13 exams this week. BUT what is hard is that the way my program is set up in a manner that has you work on like 15 things at the same time. I have 200 histological things I need to learn to find in a microscope, I have a case study about the circulation system to study for without any guidance from teachers as to what I'm supposed to read, I have lectures about cell biology and biochemistry, I have clinical things like measuring blood pressure to learn.. The list is endless..! AND I'm supposed to only study 8 hrs. a day, have time to work out (not this week as I'm sick), sing, plan skits for the big party on Friday, sleep and have time to party..! Because that's how it's supposed to be!
I'll be back when my voice is back to normal..
School has started for real now. And it's great fun, but my oh my do we have a lot to do! Well, for those of you who are born Americans and are used to that type of med-school, this might not seem like a lot. I don't have 15 quizzes and 13 exams this week. BUT what is hard is that the way my program is set up in a manner that has you work on like 15 things at the same time. I have 200 histological things I need to learn to find in a microscope, I have a case study about the circulation system to study for without any guidance from teachers as to what I'm supposed to read, I have lectures about cell biology and biochemistry, I have clinical things like measuring blood pressure to learn.. The list is endless..! AND I'm supposed to only study 8 hrs. a day, have time to work out (not this week as I'm sick), sing, plan skits for the big party on Friday, sleep and have time to party..! Because that's how it's supposed to be!
I'll be back when my voice is back to normal..
tisdag 2 september 2008
Day two Exhausted!
Two minutes off again inbetween classes and social activities. I don't quite understand how I'm supposed to keep up this tempo for two weeks, I'm already so exhausted. In a good way though. Today I believe we're supposed to walk around all the student bars downtown. Interesting since my group will have to interview a senior doctor tomorrow at 8am sharp. Probably won't drink in all the bars..!
We had a lecture today by a woman who graduated from med-school about three years ago. Her subject was what we can expect from the profession we've chosen. And all the things she brought up are reasons why I have decided to actually become a doctor. That felt good and very motivating, too. I really feel like I'm in the right place which is such a relief.
In terms of social connections, I think it will take a while for it to settle. I definitely talk to people, but I have yet to meet the group of friends that will make this time in my life so special. It's going to be so much fun to look back on these first two weeks and the way I saw people before knowing them at all.
Well, I have about 10 minutes to rest before I have to get going again, so I will!
We had a lecture today by a woman who graduated from med-school about three years ago. Her subject was what we can expect from the profession we've chosen. And all the things she brought up are reasons why I have decided to actually become a doctor. That felt good and very motivating, too. I really feel like I'm in the right place which is such a relief.
In terms of social connections, I think it will take a while for it to settle. I definitely talk to people, but I have yet to meet the group of friends that will make this time in my life so special. It's going to be so much fun to look back on these first two weeks and the way I saw people before knowing them at all.
Well, I have about 10 minutes to rest before I have to get going again, so I will!
måndag 1 september 2008
Day one!
Two words before I have to dash off to our dinner party that we found out about this morning after having been fooled by some upper classmen. It's been a great first day. I've found people I can talk to and laugh with, and even though I don't know if I've met my best friend for life among these people, I still know that I can be myself.
The ages are very mixed. In my group we have three people straight out of high-school (lucky ones) and two thirty-year-olds. The living situation differs a lot between different people, too. Some commute from stockholm, some sublet like I do, and some are just plain lucky with first-hand-contracts.
Have to go!
The ages are very mixed. In my group we have three people straight out of high-school (lucky ones) and two thirty-year-olds. The living situation differs a lot between different people, too. Some commute from stockholm, some sublet like I do, and some are just plain lucky with first-hand-contracts.
Have to go!
söndag 31 augusti 2008
In Uppsala
With an aching body I'm now stationed in my little room in Uppsala. It actually looks quite nice here, and I wish I didn't have to move out in 6 months. But, at least I'm here now, and I'll figure out the rest later.
My old apartment half an hour before the carrying started
It took me a while to get my internet connection to function, although it wasn't really the internet's fault - it was me who tried to get online by using a phone cable and not a LAN cable. I'm very grateful for entering med-school and not a technology program..!
All my stuff where it ended up after the carrying
I couldn't believe how much stuff I had in my tiny apartment in Stockholm, and what else is that I can't believe it's all in here now! Well, almost all of it. But it looks like a home at least! Not too crowded, but definitely not just like a room either.
My mother spoiled me rotten yesterday and filled up the fridge and the cabinets to the bursting limits! I have fruit for weeks, and fresh chicken, and sauces, and vegetables and bulgur and cous cous and everything that I'd never ever buy for myself. I won't need to go shopping for groceries in months.
Here's the result!
We also brought my toaster, water boiler and a microwave into my room. That way I won't need to go out in the joint kitchen to cook if I don't want to. It looks nicer today though. Somebody must've cleaned it yesterday. But it still is nice to have the option of staying in here. There may come a day when I'm sick or just too tired to get properly dressed. And then I can use all of these appliances. It really doesn't seem like people hang out in the kitchen here a lot anyways.
Well, I've decided to go to the gym at 2pm to check it out, and after that I guess I'll go home and try to print some pictures. My frames only have really old ones and I want to update! I also need to find the garbage room and the laundry room because my mother and I didn't manage to yesterday.
Well, I've decided to go to the gym at 2pm to check it out, and after that I guess I'll go home and try to print some pictures. My frames only have really old ones and I want to update! I also need to find the garbage room and the laundry room because my mother and I didn't manage to yesterday.
And then tomorrow is THE DAY! I can't believe it's already here and happening! It's too great to be true!
My window - The fruit aisle!
lördag 30 augusti 2008
Moving day!
It's moving day, it's moving day, it's moving day!!
And I'm not too tired, although yesterday around 4pm or so, I never thought I'd stand up again! These boxes and suitcases drive me crazy - and they're everywhere. And to add a little spice to it, my neighbours came up to my apartment to complain because I'd booked two times in the laundry room yesterday. I mean come on! I did it the same day, about 30 min. prior to the start of the next one. I love old ladies and old men in houses who're sitting at home all the time, not having anything to do but to watch out for the occational mistake made by a younger tenant. And then, enter mistake and "BAM" there they are with their notes handy. I wonder if they write them ahead of time!?
Anyways, I'm so excited! And my feet hurt from walking in high heels last night. I'll write again once I'm settled. And that may take about a month or so!
And I'm not too tired, although yesterday around 4pm or so, I never thought I'd stand up again! These boxes and suitcases drive me crazy - and they're everywhere. And to add a little spice to it, my neighbours came up to my apartment to complain because I'd booked two times in the laundry room yesterday. I mean come on! I did it the same day, about 30 min. prior to the start of the next one. I love old ladies and old men in houses who're sitting at home all the time, not having anything to do but to watch out for the occational mistake made by a younger tenant. And then, enter mistake and "BAM" there they are with their notes handy. I wonder if they write them ahead of time!?
Anyways, I'm so excited! And my feet hurt from walking in high heels last night. I'll write again once I'm settled. And that may take about a month or so!
fredag 29 augusti 2008
Thinking like a toddler
You know that feeling of knowing that you want something that you simply can't have. Something that you should've realized a long time ago that you don't need, that you do much better without. Like when you were a little kid and you wanted that particular toy, but you knew that once you had it, you'd just not like it so much anymore. But you still wanted it. Because it was so shiny, so much fun to play with, so wonderfully exciting and watching somebody else play with it just made your face "Elphaba green" with envy... I know that feeling a little too well right now.
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl.
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl.
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
-From the musical "Wicked"
torsdag 28 augusti 2008
Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today
You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
- John Lennon
I think this may be the best dance routine I've ever seen in my life. Watching it makes me want to do nothing but dance, and just screw my academic needs. But I also feel blessed for being able to still appreciate the arts, and for feeling so much only from watching something like this. This song really nails my thoughts right now. I need to just IMAGINE and believe that only good will come from the new era of my life. I know that the lyrics of John Lennon go much more profound than just one person's life. And I'm not really applying my constant train of thoughts these days to his lyrics. But the concept; the idea of a better future, a peaceful life, and a happy ending suits my mood really well right now.
Chocolate..
...seems to be what calms my nerves right now. I don't know about you, but when I'm nervous about something, I usually eat more. When I'm really stressed out or sad, I tend to eat less. I suppose I'm nervous right now, because seriously I'm eating waay too much. But I figure it's OK, since it's my last week of "nothing to do" and no school in at least 5,5 years.
I also suppose it's OK, because the kitchen in the hall I'll be living in is about the grossest thing I ever saw. So I'll most definitely never cook any elaborate meals while living there. I'm bringing my own toaster and water boiler to keep in my room. That way I can make noodles and toast and soup without having to leave my room.
I was realizing today, that I haven't lived for real in any place longer than 6 months since I graduated from high-school. And next year will be no exception since I can only sublet this room for a semester.
I went up to Uppsala today (didn't get lost!) to drop off one big suitcase, pay the membership fee for the student union, become a member of "Östgöta nation" and get a gym card. I figured the sooner I get a gym card the better, because if there's something that can ease my mind, it's an hour in spinning class or something similar. I've been to the gym every day this week, and 5 days last week and it's keeping me focused, energized and calm. I wish it could make me lose the "summer pounds" as well, but as usual, exercise won't do that to my body. Eating less will though, hopefully, and I suppose that will happen naturally once school starts.
I met some people in my hall and they seemed nice. It also seems to be a fairly calm corridor which I judge is good. Parties, yes please, but not in my hall! I like to have the option not to be surrounded by drunk people and loud music. I leave that for Östgöta nation! I'm so excited about the student life in Uppsala!
Tomorrow I'll have to do EVERYTHING that's left to do. And hopefully we'll party it up for real tomorrow night, because it's my last night as an actual resident of the Swedish capital for at least 5,5 years!
I also suppose it's OK, because the kitchen in the hall I'll be living in is about the grossest thing I ever saw. So I'll most definitely never cook any elaborate meals while living there. I'm bringing my own toaster and water boiler to keep in my room. That way I can make noodles and toast and soup without having to leave my room.
I was realizing today, that I haven't lived for real in any place longer than 6 months since I graduated from high-school. And next year will be no exception since I can only sublet this room for a semester.
I went up to Uppsala today (didn't get lost!) to drop off one big suitcase, pay the membership fee for the student union, become a member of "Östgöta nation" and get a gym card. I figured the sooner I get a gym card the better, because if there's something that can ease my mind, it's an hour in spinning class or something similar. I've been to the gym every day this week, and 5 days last week and it's keeping me focused, energized and calm. I wish it could make me lose the "summer pounds" as well, but as usual, exercise won't do that to my body. Eating less will though, hopefully, and I suppose that will happen naturally once school starts.
I met some people in my hall and they seemed nice. It also seems to be a fairly calm corridor which I judge is good. Parties, yes please, but not in my hall! I like to have the option not to be surrounded by drunk people and loud music. I leave that for Östgöta nation! I'm so excited about the student life in Uppsala!
Tomorrow I'll have to do EVERYTHING that's left to do. And hopefully we'll party it up for real tomorrow night, because it's my last night as an actual resident of the Swedish capital for at least 5,5 years!
onsdag 27 augusti 2008
I should've continued with the body pump classes..
.. because my arms sure can't handle all of this carrying and wrapping and carrying and wrapping. I'm seriously shaking, and I haven't even really started yet! Today I've emptied my book shelf and my drawers, I've brought 5 moving boxes back to my house from the store, and I've wrapped almost all the plates and glasses that I'm going to bring. Since we have a joint kitchen I don't really need to bring any of that stuff, but I still want to. You can never estimate the cleanliness of a Swedish dorm until you've seen it, so I'll play it safe. Before I go to bed tonight I've promised myself to pack a suitcase with clothes and to go get my bike that I had to leave behind in order to bring those boxes home.
Tomorrow I've schedule a 6.30 am class at the gym. After that I've planned to take the car and get some stuff from the apartment and with the car loaded, try to get to Uppsala. I'm not sure I'll make it. Well, I'll make it to Uppsala alright, but I'm positive I'll get lost pretty quickly once I'm there. I have some small errands I want to get done there before the semester actually starts, and since a lot of things are closed on Sundays, I need to do it tomorrow. I'll bring some clothes, some cleaning supplies and some school stuff over tomorrow. The rest needs a big van or truck or something, and my parents will help with that on Saturday.
Wow. I still can't believe this is all happening!
Tomorrow I've schedule a 6.30 am class at the gym. After that I've planned to take the car and get some stuff from the apartment and with the car loaded, try to get to Uppsala. I'm not sure I'll make it. Well, I'll make it to Uppsala alright, but I'm positive I'll get lost pretty quickly once I'm there. I have some small errands I want to get done there before the semester actually starts, and since a lot of things are closed on Sundays, I need to do it tomorrow. I'll bring some clothes, some cleaning supplies and some school stuff over tomorrow. The rest needs a big van or truck or something, and my parents will help with that on Saturday.
Wow. I still can't believe this is all happening!
tisdag 26 augusti 2008
Excited and worried
Only four days now!
I keep getting a flow of information sent to my apartment about the traditions in Uppsala and I'm so happy that's where I'm going to school! I can't wait for spring proms, or "song book night" or other similar parties.
But there's also so much to do. I'm trying to figure out how much space I actually have in my tiny dorm room, what to bring and what I need to buy here before I leave.
I part of me is getting a little frightened. What if I don't find any friends and just have to go alone to all of these things? What if my hall is horrible and my class extremely boring? What if I'm not smart or motivated enough?
I keep getting a flow of information sent to my apartment about the traditions in Uppsala and I'm so happy that's where I'm going to school! I can't wait for spring proms, or "song book night" or other similar parties.
But there's also so much to do. I'm trying to figure out how much space I actually have in my tiny dorm room, what to bring and what I need to buy here before I leave.
I part of me is getting a little frightened. What if I don't find any friends and just have to go alone to all of these things? What if my hall is horrible and my class extremely boring? What if I'm not smart or motivated enough?
måndag 25 augusti 2008
The weekend that will never be forgotten
I'm on my bed in my parents' apartment with a huge cup of tea and some Italian biscotti by my side. I am wiped out. It's not even three in the afternoon yet, but I could go to sleep right now without any trouble.
The reason for this tiredness is this past weekend, that might have been the busiest weekend I've ever had. It started out with
Friday; I went to the gym at 12, got to work by 2, worked with one of my favorite co-workers until 7, biked like crazy to Karin's for a movie night. Left by 12 am and fell asleep around 1am.
Saturday; I got up, cleaned the apartment, went to the gym at 12, got the car keys from the rents' apartment, ran out to the car and drove to a new job. This was something that came out of the catering event that I did last weekend, and it's better pay than the other job I have, and it's a little different. And kind of hard to find it turned out. Because I got lost. And once I got there, things just went wrong from the start. We were two newbees there, Axel and I. I kicked it off by smashing 5 champagne glasses, spilling beer all over an old man and throwing silver wear out with the garbage. Axel managed to pour hot candle wax all over the kitchen, I don't think I've ever wanted out of a place so badly as when I came in only to find Axel in hysterics, tomato red faced with the greatest panic in his eyes. To add to it, we didn't get any break from 3pm till 2.30 pm. No, I'm not kidding. That's how long we worked for. All we got to eat was some samples from the wedding cake that we probably weren't supposed to even try. But, we were desperate. We also found out that the pay wasn't hardly as good as we thought it would be.
So, I got home at 3am, asleep by 3.30.
Sunday; My alarm went off at 6.50 am. I got dressed in 10 minutes, ran out to the car yet again, drove to my other job, and worked till 1pm. At 1.20 I picked up my dad, we changed seats in the car, he dropped me off at rehearsal at 1.45 (15 min. late) and I was caught up with what I missed and rehearsed for about an hour. Then we (4 singers and my conductor) dashed out to my conductor's car and drove out to Dalarö while frantically singing through the more difficult parts of "Jesus bleibet meine freude" and a hymn that we'd never heard before. And trying to figure out whether we should all sing the interludes of the Mozart piece or leave it for the guitar, whether we should sing all the verses of "What a wonderful world" and whether the pauses were syncopated in the song by "Ted Gärdestad" or not.
We arrived at the site where the wedding was supposed to be held at 4 by 3.20. We got dressed, ran down, did a dress rehearsal out in the open, and thanked all the powers for the wonderful weather. Until we realized we could hardly read our music cause the sun was sinking and shone straight into our eyes.
Enter bride and groome. Singing went well, they said yes. And then, as we sung the first phrase of the last piece, it happened. Something flew in under my skirt and bit me so hard the pain was unbearable. "The hills are alive with the sound of music" became "The hills are aliiiiiiiiiiive..." and I seriously thought I was going to faint. But I kept going, repeating to myself "the show must go on, the show must go on", kept my eyes fixed on the lyrics, finished the song, and then I limped into the bar of the restaurant where the reception was to be held, asked them for a bag of ice, put it on my, at that point, XL-sized leg and told the others to talk to me so as to keep me from thinking about the pain. Later I found the stinging part of a wasp stuck in my leg. I guess it must've fallen off when I tried to secretly and unnoticably get the "fly" out of my skirt by gently tapping my skirt..
So, now, I'm to enjoy my tea and forget all the obligations I had for today. It can all be done tomorrow, and I can start my diet then too.
The reason for this tiredness is this past weekend, that might have been the busiest weekend I've ever had. It started out with
Friday; I went to the gym at 12, got to work by 2, worked with one of my favorite co-workers until 7, biked like crazy to Karin's for a movie night. Left by 12 am and fell asleep around 1am.
Saturday; I got up, cleaned the apartment, went to the gym at 12, got the car keys from the rents' apartment, ran out to the car and drove to a new job. This was something that came out of the catering event that I did last weekend, and it's better pay than the other job I have, and it's a little different. And kind of hard to find it turned out. Because I got lost. And once I got there, things just went wrong from the start. We were two newbees there, Axel and I. I kicked it off by smashing 5 champagne glasses, spilling beer all over an old man and throwing silver wear out with the garbage. Axel managed to pour hot candle wax all over the kitchen, I don't think I've ever wanted out of a place so badly as when I came in only to find Axel in hysterics, tomato red faced with the greatest panic in his eyes. To add to it, we didn't get any break from 3pm till 2.30 pm. No, I'm not kidding. That's how long we worked for. All we got to eat was some samples from the wedding cake that we probably weren't supposed to even try. But, we were desperate. We also found out that the pay wasn't hardly as good as we thought it would be.
So, I got home at 3am, asleep by 3.30.
Sunday; My alarm went off at 6.50 am. I got dressed in 10 minutes, ran out to the car yet again, drove to my other job, and worked till 1pm. At 1.20 I picked up my dad, we changed seats in the car, he dropped me off at rehearsal at 1.45 (15 min. late) and I was caught up with what I missed and rehearsed for about an hour. Then we (4 singers and my conductor) dashed out to my conductor's car and drove out to Dalarö while frantically singing through the more difficult parts of "Jesus bleibet meine freude" and a hymn that we'd never heard before. And trying to figure out whether we should all sing the interludes of the Mozart piece or leave it for the guitar, whether we should sing all the verses of "What a wonderful world" and whether the pauses were syncopated in the song by "Ted Gärdestad" or not.
We arrived at the site where the wedding was supposed to be held at 4 by 3.20. We got dressed, ran down, did a dress rehearsal out in the open, and thanked all the powers for the wonderful weather. Until we realized we could hardly read our music cause the sun was sinking and shone straight into our eyes.
Enter bride and groome. Singing went well, they said yes. And then, as we sung the first phrase of the last piece, it happened. Something flew in under my skirt and bit me so hard the pain was unbearable. "The hills are alive with the sound of music" became "The hills are aliiiiiiiiiiive..." and I seriously thought I was going to faint. But I kept going, repeating to myself "the show must go on, the show must go on", kept my eyes fixed on the lyrics, finished the song, and then I limped into the bar of the restaurant where the reception was to be held, asked them for a bag of ice, put it on my, at that point, XL-sized leg and told the others to talk to me so as to keep me from thinking about the pain. Later I found the stinging part of a wasp stuck in my leg. I guess it must've fallen off when I tried to secretly and unnoticably get the "fly" out of my skirt by gently tapping my skirt..
So, now, I'm to enjoy my tea and forget all the obligations I had for today. It can all be done tomorrow, and I can start my diet then too.
lördag 23 augusti 2008
Moving thoughts
A week from today I'll no longer be a Kungsholmen resident - I'll be an Uppsala resident! How weird is that? To me it just seems unbelievable as of right now. I can't seem to fathom that I'm actually embarking the 5,5 year long journey that will, if I only do what they tell me to, make me come out as a doctor in the end. It's finally happening and I just feel great. BUT no matter how great all this is, I still have to be moved in by Saturday. And to my outmost sorrow, it dawned on me today that packing up my apartment in boxes will take longer than 2 hrs..
And aside from packing, there are so many other things I need to take care of. Like buying books, transfering the insurance from here to there, make sure my sister knows what bills to pay, decide what I'm to wear next Monday, calculate how much money I can spend over the semester. And most of all, learn where my school is and how the heck I'm supposed to get there!
I'm apparently fortunate for having found the sublet where I found it. It's apparently very close to everything, and apparently very conveniently situated when it comes to getting home late at night. Well great. It took me two hours to find it, and I have NO idea of wear it is in relation to all the other things that I really need to find! Like a grocery store, a gym, Biomedicinskt Centrum (where my classes will be at) and the student unions. But I did get a map with my first admissions package. Hooray!
Oh the joys of knowing that you know nothing...!
And aside from packing, there are so many other things I need to take care of. Like buying books, transfering the insurance from here to there, make sure my sister knows what bills to pay, decide what I'm to wear next Monday, calculate how much money I can spend over the semester. And most of all, learn where my school is and how the heck I'm supposed to get there!
I'm apparently fortunate for having found the sublet where I found it. It's apparently very close to everything, and apparently very conveniently situated when it comes to getting home late at night. Well great. It took me two hours to find it, and I have NO idea of wear it is in relation to all the other things that I really need to find! Like a grocery store, a gym, Biomedicinskt Centrum (where my classes will be at) and the student unions. But I did get a map with my first admissions package. Hooray!
Oh the joys of knowing that you know nothing...!
fredag 22 augusti 2008
Crayfish update
This is going to be a short post because I'm getting sick and my head is killing me.. But I wanted to update you on the outcome of the party chaos!
The crayfish party was believe it or not pretty much a success. My low hopes made me not expect anything, and I think that was good. I actually had a great time. Of course it's a little weird to see "history" interact with everybody else and know that almost everybody around the table knows more about him than I do at this point, but it was OK. And OK was all I wanted, because OK means that we can keep socializing with the same people.
Yesterday was a tired day that we kicked off by eating sausages and scrambled eggs, tidying up the house and watching a bad movie. I like it! Friends are really all that matters!
The crayfish party was believe it or not pretty much a success. My low hopes made me not expect anything, and I think that was good. I actually had a great time. Of course it's a little weird to see "history" interact with everybody else and know that almost everybody around the table knows more about him than I do at this point, but it was OK. And OK was all I wanted, because OK means that we can keep socializing with the same people.
Sandra and I at the party
Yesterday was a tired day that we kicked off by eating sausages and scrambled eggs, tidying up the house and watching a bad movie. I like it! Friends are really all that matters!
onsdag 20 augusti 2008
Olympic trouble
If nothing radically happens, this year's Olympic Games will be the worst one for Sweden in 108 years. And it's all because of bad bad bad luck. And we know it.
My favorite Swedish athlete at this point, Susanna Kallur, is a little, down to earth girl from Dalarna in Sweden. She's pretty, has a gorgeous athletic body that I'd die for, and she does what she does, and does it really well. Her dicipline is 100 meters hurdles and she's definitely somebody we thought was going to medal this year.
She's done great this season, really great. And us Swedes just take it for granted that "we" will do great in the games because of this. But, she fell. SHE FELL! The poor girl started out perfectly, but apparently too fast for herself, cause she stumbled over the first hurdle, and fell in the semi-finals.
And what do out wonderful wonderful reporters do? Well, they jump on her. Right after the race. She's still on the ground, evidently thinking to herself, trying to understand what just happened. Discrete tears in the corner of her eyes. And the journalists throw themselves at her just the way hyenas throw themselves at dead zebras right after the lion pack has left the site.
It's disgusting.
Yes, we need to cover what happens in the world. Yes we need to interview people, write articles about what people say in these interviews, but we do need to remember that we deal with people. An athlete is somebody who has sport for his or her job. Not a superhero of some sort, who just can keep going and going, and who's lacking emotions and therefore can listen to all the crap that people make them listen to. An athlete is merely a person who's giving her job all her energy and who has one chance in 4 years to medal in the Olympics and through that show that she's good for something.
Her dreams were crushed, she'd disappointed the whole Swedish people, and all this was affirmed by the gentle idiots who made her answer stupid questions and almost apologize.
By the time the reporters left her to herself, she was crying and crying and crying. I can't see how making good TV could ever be worth that.
My favorite Swedish athlete at this point, Susanna Kallur, is a little, down to earth girl from Dalarna in Sweden. She's pretty, has a gorgeous athletic body that I'd die for, and she does what she does, and does it really well. Her dicipline is 100 meters hurdles and she's definitely somebody we thought was going to medal this year.
She's done great this season, really great. And us Swedes just take it for granted that "we" will do great in the games because of this. But, she fell. SHE FELL! The poor girl started out perfectly, but apparently too fast for herself, cause she stumbled over the first hurdle, and fell in the semi-finals.
And what do out wonderful wonderful reporters do? Well, they jump on her. Right after the race. She's still on the ground, evidently thinking to herself, trying to understand what just happened. Discrete tears in the corner of her eyes. And the journalists throw themselves at her just the way hyenas throw themselves at dead zebras right after the lion pack has left the site.
It's disgusting.
Yes, we need to cover what happens in the world. Yes we need to interview people, write articles about what people say in these interviews, but we do need to remember that we deal with people. An athlete is somebody who has sport for his or her job. Not a superhero of some sort, who just can keep going and going, and who's lacking emotions and therefore can listen to all the crap that people make them listen to. An athlete is merely a person who's giving her job all her energy and who has one chance in 4 years to medal in the Olympics and through that show that she's good for something.
Her dreams were crushed, she'd disappointed the whole Swedish people, and all this was affirmed by the gentle idiots who made her answer stupid questions and almost apologize.
By the time the reporters left her to herself, she was crying and crying and crying. I can't see how making good TV could ever be worth that.
tisdag 19 augusti 2008
The crayfish party madness
It's august which in Sweden is what indicates that it's time for the annual crayfish party. I've written about that before so I'm not going to speak too much about it. Suffice it to say that it encompasses a whole lot of disgusting alcoholic beverages, red crustations and drinking songs.
Well, this year my friend Sandra and I took it upon us to arrange this annual feast. It started out great. Our favorite people could all make it, and we could use my family's cottage as the venue. Perfect.
Until Sandra messaged me during my USA trip and said that she'd have to work the day after. I cancelled the event thinking that most of the people were Sandra's friends, and I just didn't want to do it all alone. It took about three days for some other people to send me angry messages on facebook saying that the crayfish party had to take place anyways.
So it was back on. And I planned, and my dad planned, and we counted chairs, and beds, and tables etc. 15 people were attending and it was going to be great fun. Everybody was assigned their part of the shopping that needed to be done and I knew it would be OK.
BUT.
Now we're down to 7 guests. And none of my girlfriends can make it as of today. Yes! The changed their minds the day before! Thank you friends.. And amongst the people who'll actually be there we have "history" which is not comfortable at all, and another person who's hurt me a lot in the past. And I can't leave. Cause it's my cottage. And I'm responsible for all that happens. My only comfort is that I know where I can hide if there'll be a need to.
Pray with me that this won't be too bad. It won't be fun, but I'd like to at least survive! Now I need to look over my economy. I'm going on a "spontaneous" trip (that's our name for it) in October with my friend Emma!
Well, this year my friend Sandra and I took it upon us to arrange this annual feast. It started out great. Our favorite people could all make it, and we could use my family's cottage as the venue. Perfect.
Until Sandra messaged me during my USA trip and said that she'd have to work the day after. I cancelled the event thinking that most of the people were Sandra's friends, and I just didn't want to do it all alone. It took about three days for some other people to send me angry messages on facebook saying that the crayfish party had to take place anyways.
So it was back on. And I planned, and my dad planned, and we counted chairs, and beds, and tables etc. 15 people were attending and it was going to be great fun. Everybody was assigned their part of the shopping that needed to be done and I knew it would be OK.
BUT.
Now we're down to 7 guests. And none of my girlfriends can make it as of today. Yes! The changed their minds the day before! Thank you friends.. And amongst the people who'll actually be there we have "history" which is not comfortable at all, and another person who's hurt me a lot in the past. And I can't leave. Cause it's my cottage. And I'm responsible for all that happens. My only comfort is that I know where I can hide if there'll be a need to.
Pray with me that this won't be too bad. It won't be fun, but I'd like to at least survive! Now I need to look over my economy. I'm going on a "spontaneous" trip (that's our name for it) in October with my friend Emma!
A very busy week
A week has passed since last time I wrote. To be honest, I don't really know where that week went. My last hours in Michigan flew by and so did my eight hours in Paris and my four days working as a part of the catering squad at Scandinavian Masters, the golf tournament.
This is actually the first day since I left Sweden on Aug. 4th that I'm not at least one of these things:
a) out of bed by 9 o'clock with less than 6 hours of sleep
b) jetlagged
c) hungover
d) disoriented
e) without functioning feet due to too much working
f) without functioning feet due to too much walking in high heels
Other than that, this week has been great. The job has been a mix of annoying bosses, chicken skewers, wet feet, up-and-down-the-stairs-one-thousand-times-a-day, salmon smelling everything, aprons that kept falling down, birdies, boogies, eagles (and I don't get it at all), coffee to keep me standing, chocolate to keep me going, girl-talk as soon as there was an opportunity, looking at boys with well-shaped body parts, the Olympics, nice bosses, mud, mud, mud, spinach, dill mayonnaise, youghurt sauce and then it all ended with a party. Of course us girls went and had a heck of a good time. I mean, it's not every day you get all your drinks payed for by famous Spanish European tour golf players, right?! Ahh the joys of being single!
This is actually the first day since I left Sweden on Aug. 4th that I'm not at least one of these things:
a) out of bed by 9 o'clock with less than 6 hours of sleep
b) jetlagged
c) hungover
d) disoriented
e) without functioning feet due to too much working
f) without functioning feet due to too much walking in high heels
Other than that, this week has been great. The job has been a mix of annoying bosses, chicken skewers, wet feet, up-and-down-the-stairs-one-thousand-times-a-day, salmon smelling everything, aprons that kept falling down, birdies, boogies, eagles (and I don't get it at all), coffee to keep me standing, chocolate to keep me going, girl-talk as soon as there was an opportunity, looking at boys with well-shaped body parts, the Olympics, nice bosses, mud, mud, mud, spinach, dill mayonnaise, youghurt sauce and then it all ended with a party. Of course us girls went and had a heck of a good time. I mean, it's not every day you get all your drinks payed for by famous Spanish European tour golf players, right?! Ahh the joys of being single!
Moi et mes amis espagnols
tisdag 12 augusti 2008
Summer in Michigan
Well. My keeping up with this while in Michigan failed pretty badly. But I do know why, and I'll give you the scoop right here. Please know that the order isn't quite the same as the importance go.
1. Too many wonderful family members to talk to.
3. Ice-cream
6. Walking in the neighbourhood, same loop as in 2004
13. Spice girls nostalgia in car with very good friend
So yeah. That's what I've been up to, and yeah, I'd rather not leave..
1. Too many wonderful family members to talk to.
2. Too many friends that I haven't seen in so long that just always make me happy I'm alive and come back here.
3. Ice-cream
4. Blueberry pancakes
5. Corn
6. Walking in the neighbourhood, same loop as in 2004
7. Shooting stars to watch wrapped in blankets
8. Power outage à la Ann Arbor (that is; no water, no heat, no toilet, no cooking)
9. Whole foods sample spree
10. Cantalope melon
11. Scallops à la mom and me
12. Zingerman's for lunch with very much liked people
13. Spice girls nostalgia in car with very good friend
14. Being 21 here at last!
15. Weird, disgusting American food at college bars, that I didn't touch btw.
16. People not picking up phones so you need to try them 15 times while your friend is driving and you're laughing harder than you have in about 2 years.
17. Dear, racoons, ground hogs and squirrels
So yeah. That's what I've been up to, and yeah, I'd rather not leave..
fredag 8 augusti 2008
Thoughts infront of the Olympics
My New York visit this year is drawing to a close. I'm currently on the couch watching the parade of nations from the openiing of the Olympics. It's almost frightening how everything is so precise in this performance. The lines, the circles, the amount of people.. But accompanied, once again, with blueberries, yogurt ice-cream and Hershey's dark chocolate kisses as tradition holds here in Grandma's livingroom, I can't say I have any right to complain!
Today I got out, bought breakfast, and headed off to my old second home here in the big apple; "Steps on Broadway". I was nervous to go in there. Actually I was nervous only to stand outside of there. Several pounds heavier, a lot less flexible, out of shape, no ballet muscles left I kind of felt I'd nothing to do there. But when I went through the doors, late as I usually was back in the days, pressed the buttons in the elevator, smelled the familiar smells, knew exactly how to sign in, where the class was held, who 1/3 of the people in the class was, I felt OK. My teacher recognized me and was her normal, pleasant and patient self. The exercises felt familiar although my back and my hips protested quite severely as the arabesques and the developpés were supposed to be executed. But really, what could I expect? I haven't taken class since May..
After this little escapade I went back to my room and got packed. I need to leave very early in the morning tomorrow, and needless to say, I don't want to be packing all night. Grandma and I went to lunch at another one of our favorite restaurants on the block; "Isabella's" and after that I ran around in the rain trying to get everything I'd left for my last afternoon of bliss. I didn't manage to get quite everything since the rain prevented any long excursions, but I at least got a birthday present for my sister, I tank top that was on sale (I'm on a roll sale-wise!), and a thank you flower to give to grandma tomorrow.
Speaking of thank you:s, I want to present to you what seems to be the eternal question in my head; How do you thank a person that's given you so much more than she really should have about 400 times around? The way grandma has spoiled me during the time I've known her, is almost embarrassing. I feel that whatever I do or say to show appreciation is way too little. What is a card compared to theatre tickets, luxurious dinners and gift certificates all over the dance world in NYC? I wish I could just be here all the time so as to being able to recipricate through helping her run errands and stuff, but living in Sweden makes that impossible. I've said thank you so many times this past week it doesn't even feel like it means something anymore.. I just feel so blessed for having her in my life, and I truly truly truly hope she knows that I love her for being her and not for all the material things she gives me. The experience of having a grandmother who's lead such an interesting life and wants to share it with me, is something I'll cherish for the rest of my life.
Today I got out, bought breakfast, and headed off to my old second home here in the big apple; "Steps on Broadway". I was nervous to go in there. Actually I was nervous only to stand outside of there. Several pounds heavier, a lot less flexible, out of shape, no ballet muscles left I kind of felt I'd nothing to do there. But when I went through the doors, late as I usually was back in the days, pressed the buttons in the elevator, smelled the familiar smells, knew exactly how to sign in, where the class was held, who 1/3 of the people in the class was, I felt OK. My teacher recognized me and was her normal, pleasant and patient self. The exercises felt familiar although my back and my hips protested quite severely as the arabesques and the developpés were supposed to be executed. But really, what could I expect? I haven't taken class since May..
After this little escapade I went back to my room and got packed. I need to leave very early in the morning tomorrow, and needless to say, I don't want to be packing all night. Grandma and I went to lunch at another one of our favorite restaurants on the block; "Isabella's" and after that I ran around in the rain trying to get everything I'd left for my last afternoon of bliss. I didn't manage to get quite everything since the rain prevented any long excursions, but I at least got a birthday present for my sister, I tank top that was on sale (I'm on a roll sale-wise!), and a thank you flower to give to grandma tomorrow.
Speaking of thank you:s, I want to present to you what seems to be the eternal question in my head; How do you thank a person that's given you so much more than she really should have about 400 times around? The way grandma has spoiled me during the time I've known her, is almost embarrassing. I feel that whatever I do or say to show appreciation is way too little. What is a card compared to theatre tickets, luxurious dinners and gift certificates all over the dance world in NYC? I wish I could just be here all the time so as to being able to recipricate through helping her run errands and stuff, but living in Sweden makes that impossible. I've said thank you so many times this past week it doesn't even feel like it means something anymore.. I just feel so blessed for having her in my life, and I truly truly truly hope she knows that I love her for being her and not for all the material things she gives me. The experience of having a grandmother who's lead such an interesting life and wants to share it with me, is something I'll cherish for the rest of my life.
torsdag 7 augusti 2008
Singing in the Rain
There's a thunder storm outside and a tornado upstate. I'll never get used to the phrase "Tornado watch" on the TV screen. I've really gotten the entire spectra of weather this trip. I love the weather changes both in NYC and in Michigan. They're so much more dramatic than in Sweden. The sky goes green, the rain is flooding the streets, the snow stops life, and the sun is hot hot hot. Thus not mediocre as in little Sweden, where the weather just is "lagom" as everything conveniently in the northern parts of Europe.
I also love the fact that rain makes my grandma want to order in instead of going out. So we pulled out the delivery menues from her "Delivery folder", I got to pick a place (which took forever) and I got to answer the door as the delivery guy came by with my amazing dinner of octupus salad, hummus and turkish bread. (My promise not to eat bread other than samples at così during this trip is hence broken..) Could it get more New York?! Well, yeah, because the SYTYCD finals were on tonight, and grandma had fresh giant blueberries and fat free whipped cream in a can in her fridge. I'll say no more!
I feel for the poor delivery guys on their bikes, the door men that have to shovel the water off the stoops and all the late night workers on their way home from work. I decided today, that if there's rain tomorrow, I'm allowed to buy myself a pair of striped rubber boots. I've always wanted a pair, and I think I decided to buy a pair about every time it rained last year. But I never got to it. This time however, I'm already waaay over my spending limit, so I might as well just keep going. Right?
Tomorrow will be about dance, good byes and of course food. Now I'm going to watch an episode of Sex and the City and listen to the titter tatter from the rain agains my window pane. Life is pretty close to perfection.
I also love the fact that rain makes my grandma want to order in instead of going out. So we pulled out the delivery menues from her "Delivery folder", I got to pick a place (which took forever) and I got to answer the door as the delivery guy came by with my amazing dinner of octupus salad, hummus and turkish bread. (My promise not to eat bread other than samples at così during this trip is hence broken..) Could it get more New York?! Well, yeah, because the SYTYCD finals were on tonight, and grandma had fresh giant blueberries and fat free whipped cream in a can in her fridge. I'll say no more!
I feel for the poor delivery guys on their bikes, the door men that have to shovel the water off the stoops and all the late night workers on their way home from work. I decided today, that if there's rain tomorrow, I'm allowed to buy myself a pair of striped rubber boots. I've always wanted a pair, and I think I decided to buy a pair about every time it rained last year. But I never got to it. This time however, I'm already waaay over my spending limit, so I might as well just keep going. Right?
Tomorrow will be about dance, good byes and of course food. Now I'm going to watch an episode of Sex and the City and listen to the titter tatter from the rain agains my window pane. Life is pretty close to perfection.
They say that neon lights are bright on Broadway
I've seen a bunch of shows on Broadway; RENT, Wicked, Movin' out, A chorus line, Spamalot, Spring Awakening, Jersey boys, Lion King, Mamma Mia and this time around my grandma treated me to Gypsy.
It was fenomenal.. I hadn't heard anything about it, and I thought it was a script about gypsy culture or something. But I was mistaken. This is a story based on the biography by the stripper Gypsy Rose, lyrics are by no other than Steven Sondheim and they've kept the original choreography by Jerome Robbins.
To be honest, this isn't quite my type of show. I was singing and dancing in excess, I don't care too much for straight theatre so the fact that there were more lines than songs in this one made me worried. I'd heard so much about it since it got all the Tony's for best actresses; what if I didn't like it!
Patty Lupone, the main character and also the Tony award winner for best actress didn't strike me as THAT good at first. I thought her voice was a bit strained accompanied with too much vibrato. But as the second act progressed, I understood why she's the talk on the town. Her final act was simply stunning.
Me happy outside the theatre
Maybe one day I'll get to work here?!
tisdag 5 augusti 2008
An ordinary New York morning
Well here I am in my grandma’s office on 77th street in New York City. I’m inside for a while seeking shelter form the smoldering heat and humidity that’s enveloping the city today. I’ve decided to stay in just long enough to post something little on my blog, and then I’m off running errands for Swedish people.
Last night I was rocked to sleep to by the well-known sounds of New York again. Police cars and NYFD trucks driving outside, the door men’s conversations in the hall, late night deliveries for the other tenants in the building and people speaking all the languages of the world. Wonderful!
I fell asleep content after a scrumptious dinner at a very cute and homey restaurant called Scaletta. Scaletta was the first nicer dinner place I went to in the city as it’s my grandmother’s favorite and just a couple of yards down the street from where she lives. I had my usual; “Green bean salad” for starters, scallops for main course and then a cappuccino and biscotti for dessert. And of course, the mandatory and complimentary after dinner drink “Tia Maria”, without breaking the law for the first time..! I didn’t finish mine this time since I was heavily dehydrated from the flights, but it sure was good. I got to say hi to all my “friends” at the restaurant who were flirting with me and my grandma as usual.
This morning, after sleeping for a long time, I went out for a morning stroll in Central Park that actually turned into a morning jog. Yeah, that’s sensational because I NEVER jog. But I gurss I felt so inspired by all the runners around me that I just had to do it myself. On my way out I met my favorite door man who immediately recognized me and gave me a big smile and a big hug. I love this building!
Now I’ve been out shopping for a couple of hours. I’ve bought a nice jacket like thing at my favorite store here, Armani Xchange. It was on sale which I liked since the store in general is a little too expensive for a student without any money whatsoever. But one piece of clothing that was on sale has to be OK right?!
Now it’s time for some of God’s greatest gift to mankind – Tasti.D.Lite. See you later!
Last night I was rocked to sleep to by the well-known sounds of New York again. Police cars and NYFD trucks driving outside, the door men’s conversations in the hall, late night deliveries for the other tenants in the building and people speaking all the languages of the world. Wonderful!
I fell asleep content after a scrumptious dinner at a very cute and homey restaurant called Scaletta. Scaletta was the first nicer dinner place I went to in the city as it’s my grandmother’s favorite and just a couple of yards down the street from where she lives. I had my usual; “Green bean salad” for starters, scallops for main course and then a cappuccino and biscotti for dessert. And of course, the mandatory and complimentary after dinner drink “Tia Maria”, without breaking the law for the first time..! I didn’t finish mine this time since I was heavily dehydrated from the flights, but it sure was good. I got to say hi to all my “friends” at the restaurant who were flirting with me and my grandma as usual.
This morning, after sleeping for a long time, I went out for a morning stroll in Central Park that actually turned into a morning jog. Yeah, that’s sensational because I NEVER jog. But I gurss I felt so inspired by all the runners around me that I just had to do it myself. On my way out I met my favorite door man who immediately recognized me and gave me a big smile and a big hug. I love this building!
After that, I went up to “Lenny’s” - your ultimate New York place on Columbus Avenue. Narrow, loud, crowded and smelling of fresh brewed coffee. Lenny’s has everything you need in the morning. Coffee, eggs, yoghurt, scones, millions of muffins AND H&H whole wheat bagles, toasted and smeared with an excess of low fat cream cheese. It was unusually quite and calm this morning, showing that many true New Yorkers are out of town this month.
I bought breakfast for grandma and me, went up to her apartment and we had a long chat about everything between here and heaven. What a wonderful morning!
Now I’ve been out shopping for a couple of hours. I’ve bought a nice jacket like thing at my favorite store here, Armani Xchange. It was on sale which I liked since the store in general is a little too expensive for a student without any money whatsoever. But one piece of clothing that was on sale has to be OK right?!
Now it’s time for some of God’s greatest gift to mankind – Tasti.D.Lite. See you later!
måndag 4 augusti 2008
Don’t you just love it when things don’t work out as planned?!
Don’t you just love it when things don’t work out as planned?!
“Start spreading the news, I’m leaving today! I’m gonna be a part of it, New York, New york!” Well, that’s how joyous this post was planned to be. Instead, I’ll account for the small adventure that I’ve had so far on my trip to the Big Apple.
What is it about me and flying? Scared shitless everytime I embark a plane. A million tiny little superstition things that have to be done prior to and during departure. And then, something always seem to go wrong every single time I fly on my own!
Earlier this summer I was to fly down to my grandmother’s cottage, about 50 min. from Stockholm by plane. After 30 min of flying they had to turn the aircraft back to origin. Something seemed to be the matter with the autopilot, and the plane was twisting in a very worrisome way. So, kindly enough, the captain asked us to remain calm as we turned back to Stockholm. The smooth journey that I chose over a 3 hr train ride, took at least 4 hours. I was of course scared out of my wits the whole time and swore never to fly again.
But, I did. And look what happens! I’m on my way to New York to visit some loved ones. I embarked the plane in Stockholm, and then disembarked it again after about half an hour due to technical problems. I mean, come on! The second time in a row! This time there was apparently something wrong with the wind shield wiper, and since it was raining both in Stockholm and in Amsterdam, they had to fix it before departure. It seems so trivial, but I’m actually happy they do stop the flights for small things. I just pray they don’t forget about the more serious and bigger ones in the meantime.
Imagine sitting there, on your way to Sao Paulo like some of the people on the plane. You know you have a tight connection and that there’s only one plane aimed for that destination in like a day. I was happy I had a very long connection here at Schipol to say the least. Especially as they promised us further information 50 min. after we all disembarked!
So, with a voucher of SEK60 in my hand, I ran to the best café at Arlanda airport, ordered a biscotti and a cup of tea (the prices are crazy there, so the voucher didn’t cover a sandwich) for breakfast and waited with the rest of the sweaty, stressed and confused passengers of KLM flight 1106 to Amsterdam. The most enjoyable part of all this is that I got up at 4.30 am to catch the flight! I could’ve slept a lot longer!
Anyways, the problem seemed to be pretty easily fixed as it took them about 20 minutes to get it done. Can’t seem to find the reason why we all had to disembark with the feeling that we’d have to wait forever for a new plane, but I guess it’s better that they prepare us for the worst.
Almost all the people seemed to be rebooked by the time we touched ground in Holland, but the poor party for Sao Paolo wasn’t. I’m now stranded in a pretty far off terminal at this humongous airport, and I have about three more hours here. If you think about it, the delay was only beneficial for me as weird as it may seem. My connection became shorter AND I got a delicious almond biscotti and a cup of tea for free.
Next time I write you, I hope to be in New York, my favorite place to be in the whole wide world. I’m really looking forward for the cab to pull up outside my grandma’s apartment, for the door men to greet me, and then finally to see Grandma who I’ve missed so so so much during the past year.
À Nouvelle York!
“Start spreading the news, I’m leaving today! I’m gonna be a part of it, New York, New york!” Well, that’s how joyous this post was planned to be. Instead, I’ll account for the small adventure that I’ve had so far on my trip to the Big Apple.
What is it about me and flying? Scared shitless everytime I embark a plane. A million tiny little superstition things that have to be done prior to and during departure. And then, something always seem to go wrong every single time I fly on my own!
Earlier this summer I was to fly down to my grandmother’s cottage, about 50 min. from Stockholm by plane. After 30 min of flying they had to turn the aircraft back to origin. Something seemed to be the matter with the autopilot, and the plane was twisting in a very worrisome way. So, kindly enough, the captain asked us to remain calm as we turned back to Stockholm. The smooth journey that I chose over a 3 hr train ride, took at least 4 hours. I was of course scared out of my wits the whole time and swore never to fly again.
But, I did. And look what happens! I’m on my way to New York to visit some loved ones. I embarked the plane in Stockholm, and then disembarked it again after about half an hour due to technical problems. I mean, come on! The second time in a row! This time there was apparently something wrong with the wind shield wiper, and since it was raining both in Stockholm and in Amsterdam, they had to fix it before departure. It seems so trivial, but I’m actually happy they do stop the flights for small things. I just pray they don’t forget about the more serious and bigger ones in the meantime.
Imagine sitting there, on your way to Sao Paulo like some of the people on the plane. You know you have a tight connection and that there’s only one plane aimed for that destination in like a day. I was happy I had a very long connection here at Schipol to say the least. Especially as they promised us further information 50 min. after we all disembarked!
So, with a voucher of SEK60 in my hand, I ran to the best café at Arlanda airport, ordered a biscotti and a cup of tea (the prices are crazy there, so the voucher didn’t cover a sandwich) for breakfast and waited with the rest of the sweaty, stressed and confused passengers of KLM flight 1106 to Amsterdam. The most enjoyable part of all this is that I got up at 4.30 am to catch the flight! I could’ve slept a lot longer!
Anyways, the problem seemed to be pretty easily fixed as it took them about 20 minutes to get it done. Can’t seem to find the reason why we all had to disembark with the feeling that we’d have to wait forever for a new plane, but I guess it’s better that they prepare us for the worst.
Almost all the people seemed to be rebooked by the time we touched ground in Holland, but the poor party for Sao Paolo wasn’t. I’m now stranded in a pretty far off terminal at this humongous airport, and I have about three more hours here. If you think about it, the delay was only beneficial for me as weird as it may seem. My connection became shorter AND I got a delicious almond biscotti and a cup of tea for free.
Next time I write you, I hope to be in New York, my favorite place to be in the whole wide world. I’m really looking forward for the cab to pull up outside my grandma’s apartment, for the door men to greet me, and then finally to see Grandma who I’ve missed so so so much during the past year.
À Nouvelle York!
torsdag 31 juli 2008
A bump in the road
Being single isn't all that bad after all. I kind of enjoy the freedom of talking, looking and flirting. Like last night at dinner when I had a very handsome man at a table next to me who I kept getting eye contact with. Yes of course I'd like to be in a Sex and the city world where that man comes by to ask for my number at the end of the evening. But face it, I live in Stockholm and right now, I'm not that gorgeous.
Ever since my relationship ended, the thing I've fallen back on is that I've at least felt good about myself body wise. Like I've mentioned in earlier posts, I've had some trouble with self image, eating, exercising too much and those sorts of things. However, without noticing I lost some weight right around all this drama. So as I entered the single girl's world, I was down a couple of pounds and just felt more like myself and content for once. Halleluia! Being without those destructive thoughts, really has been a blessing, and I want to continue living like that.
BUT. And this is a big but. Actually a big butT, because due to a certain picture I've seen (at least I think that's what brought me back down to earth), I'm now back to very destructive chain of thoughts. My mission to just enjoy life, eat what I want during the summer, to later fall back into more healthy and regular habits, has failed. I'm NOT indifferent to the weight I've put on this summer because of my bad work hours, party nights and generous parents. I'm now back to wanting to shield myself from the world, skipping meals, not go to parties and just disappear. Or have lipo on my tummy and cut off about five inches from my hips. Take your pick.
Tonight I'm supposed to attend a party that I've been looking forward to for a while, I'm leaving for NYC in three days, and tomorrow I have a wedding to go to. Thus the social schedule is packed. As of right now I'd almost rather skip all of this, crawl into bed and just hide. I don't want to show people what I've let become of my body, and I know I'm crazy, because I'm nowhere close to overweight. But I don't feel like myself, I don't feel pretty, and I know that if I don't feel pretty, I'll not radiate self confidence and pretty and nobody will think I am any of those things, and I'm back to being boring.
I just pray I'll get out of this circle of thoughts fast. I've loved not thinking of what food I put into my mouth, wearing clothes that fit somewhat tight and still feel good and feeling like the exercising I'm doing is paying off. Life's for living, not counting calories..
Ever since my relationship ended, the thing I've fallen back on is that I've at least felt good about myself body wise. Like I've mentioned in earlier posts, I've had some trouble with self image, eating, exercising too much and those sorts of things. However, without noticing I lost some weight right around all this drama. So as I entered the single girl's world, I was down a couple of pounds and just felt more like myself and content for once. Halleluia! Being without those destructive thoughts, really has been a blessing, and I want to continue living like that.
BUT. And this is a big but. Actually a big butT, because due to a certain picture I've seen (at least I think that's what brought me back down to earth), I'm now back to very destructive chain of thoughts. My mission to just enjoy life, eat what I want during the summer, to later fall back into more healthy and regular habits, has failed. I'm NOT indifferent to the weight I've put on this summer because of my bad work hours, party nights and generous parents. I'm now back to wanting to shield myself from the world, skipping meals, not go to parties and just disappear. Or have lipo on my tummy and cut off about five inches from my hips. Take your pick.
Tonight I'm supposed to attend a party that I've been looking forward to for a while, I'm leaving for NYC in three days, and tomorrow I have a wedding to go to. Thus the social schedule is packed. As of right now I'd almost rather skip all of this, crawl into bed and just hide. I don't want to show people what I've let become of my body, and I know I'm crazy, because I'm nowhere close to overweight. But I don't feel like myself, I don't feel pretty, and I know that if I don't feel pretty, I'll not radiate self confidence and pretty and nobody will think I am any of those things, and I'm back to being boring.
I just pray I'll get out of this circle of thoughts fast. I've loved not thinking of what food I put into my mouth, wearing clothes that fit somewhat tight and still feel good and feeling like the exercising I'm doing is paying off. Life's for living, not counting calories..
Singing with my grandmother
On Tuesday my dad and I did quite the road trip. We started up in Uppsala, about an hour's drive north of Stockholm. Then we went down to see my grandmother, about three hours' south of Stockholm, and then to see my friend in a performance about one hour south of my grandmother. And then all the way back again.
This post is going to be about the visiting my grandmother part. She's living in a town/city called Jönköping, and she's done so all my life. When I was a kid, she and my grandfather lived in a little house that I used to love. We celebrated many Christmases there, and coming there always meant being splurged. It always smelled of my grandmother's rolls, or meat balls. And in the morning my grandfather would always have oat meal with raisins, and coffee with some sort of sweetener that wasn't sugar. My sister and I would play with my aunts' old dolls, with the big chairs in the living room. This was also the house where I encountered my favorite movie of all times "The Sound of Music" for the first time. My grandparents' house was also always filled with music. My grandmother loved when we sang or played for her, and every summer, she and I would go down to the swings by there cottage to swing and sing for hours.
After my grandfather passed, my grandmother moved away from the house to an apartment, and here's when she started getting old. Now she's had to move again since she's no longer capable of maintaining an every day life. The aging has accelerated accompanied with a very pronounced Altzheimer's disease. She no longer recognizes any of us and her speech is incomprehensible. The words come out correctly, she doesn't stutter or hesitate. But the sentences just don't make sense. She's still in perfect shape physically as opposed to many of the other people on her floor, but her head just isn't there.
While my dad and I were driving down to see her, he filled me in on some updates on her current health status. I hadn't been down there for a long time, since I can't go myself, and my dad's and my schedule never co-operate. He told me she's refused to eat and drink for a while, and that she might have to be hospitalized because of this. No wonder I was nervous as we entered the elderly home.
When we walked through the doors of her floor, she stood up. I went over to her, hugged her and made sure I said "Hi Grandma". She looked at me, so pleased, but I don't think she'd any clue of who I was. But I guess she felt that this was somebody who cared for her. Then she looked at my dad, whose picture is on her night stand. She evidently recognized him but it came out as "Oh, my brother!".
The three of us walked in to her room. She guided me around and we looked at all the pictures. I pointed at some and said "That's me" and she looked and me and said something that didn't make sense back. But I think I knew what she meant, if that's possible. Then we tricked her into eating ice-cream and drinking lemonade. I guess her refusal to eat only had to do with hating to eat alone. Her favorite nurses had been on vacation, and my grandmother's always had a great integrity and a bit of a hard time letting other people in.
So there we sat, my dad, my grandmother and I. When we'd finished our ice-cream cones, my dad tuned grandma's guitar and started to sing and play an old song. I joined in, and here's the reason why I'm telling you all this, so did my grandmother. The little lady beside me, who hadn't said one thing that made sense in an hour, started singing. And it turns out she still knows the lyrics and the melodies of all the songs she and I sung on the swings when I was only a couple years old. All the songs my dad sung in church when he was little. She knows them better than we do. How is this possible?
It just really shows what I've suspected for a long long time. That music, is much more powerful than we think. I hope I'll have time to come down and sing with her again, just as we did on the swings every summer. For me, this was really a precious day.
This post is going to be about the visiting my grandmother part. She's living in a town/city called Jönköping, and she's done so all my life. When I was a kid, she and my grandfather lived in a little house that I used to love. We celebrated many Christmases there, and coming there always meant being splurged. It always smelled of my grandmother's rolls, or meat balls. And in the morning my grandfather would always have oat meal with raisins, and coffee with some sort of sweetener that wasn't sugar. My sister and I would play with my aunts' old dolls, with the big chairs in the living room. This was also the house where I encountered my favorite movie of all times "The Sound of Music" for the first time. My grandparents' house was also always filled with music. My grandmother loved when we sang or played for her, and every summer, she and I would go down to the swings by there cottage to swing and sing for hours.
After my grandfather passed, my grandmother moved away from the house to an apartment, and here's when she started getting old. Now she's had to move again since she's no longer capable of maintaining an every day life. The aging has accelerated accompanied with a very pronounced Altzheimer's disease. She no longer recognizes any of us and her speech is incomprehensible. The words come out correctly, she doesn't stutter or hesitate. But the sentences just don't make sense. She's still in perfect shape physically as opposed to many of the other people on her floor, but her head just isn't there.
While my dad and I were driving down to see her, he filled me in on some updates on her current health status. I hadn't been down there for a long time, since I can't go myself, and my dad's and my schedule never co-operate. He told me she's refused to eat and drink for a while, and that she might have to be hospitalized because of this. No wonder I was nervous as we entered the elderly home.
When we walked through the doors of her floor, she stood up. I went over to her, hugged her and made sure I said "Hi Grandma". She looked at me, so pleased, but I don't think she'd any clue of who I was. But I guess she felt that this was somebody who cared for her. Then she looked at my dad, whose picture is on her night stand. She evidently recognized him but it came out as "Oh, my brother!".
The three of us walked in to her room. She guided me around and we looked at all the pictures. I pointed at some and said "That's me" and she looked and me and said something that didn't make sense back. But I think I knew what she meant, if that's possible. Then we tricked her into eating ice-cream and drinking lemonade. I guess her refusal to eat only had to do with hating to eat alone. Her favorite nurses had been on vacation, and my grandmother's always had a great integrity and a bit of a hard time letting other people in.
So there we sat, my dad, my grandmother and I. When we'd finished our ice-cream cones, my dad tuned grandma's guitar and started to sing and play an old song. I joined in, and here's the reason why I'm telling you all this, so did my grandmother. The little lady beside me, who hadn't said one thing that made sense in an hour, started singing. And it turns out she still knows the lyrics and the melodies of all the songs she and I sung on the swings when I was only a couple years old. All the songs my dad sung in church when he was little. She knows them better than we do. How is this possible?
It just really shows what I've suspected for a long long time. That music, is much more powerful than we think. I hope I'll have time to come down and sing with her again, just as we did on the swings every summer. For me, this was really a precious day.
måndag 28 juli 2008
Off work
Yesterday was one of the worst days ever at work. After having had a very enjoyable evening (read night and morning) with some close friends, I have to admit that a tad of Sangria and dancing was involved, needless to say, I wasn't feeling up for going to work when the alarm went of about 5 hours after I set it. I did though, as the reliable worker I am, and with big shades to cover my eyes, I biked off to work.
At work, there was nobody. And I mean nobody when I say nobody. The weather was brilliant. I don't remember when Stockholm has been under such a blue sky and warm sun before. So WHO is up for cinnamon rolls, or loafs of bread in a big, super hot Galleria where there's no AC?! Well, the occasional tourist who've read in his or her guide book that Swedish cinnamon rolls are something really special. But that's IT!
So there I stood, for 7 hours. Around 12 I usually get a lunch break, but apparently not today. And, to spice things up a bit, the cash register was broken, so I couldn't lock it, and thus, couldn't even run down to the bath room down stairs. Of course, this is so illegal, but I've learnt not to complain.. What a GREAT day for being a little hung over at work. Nothing to do, no bath room, and no lunch, and no customers.
I decided to use my friends to get through the day, so I gave them the number at work, so they could call and I'd have someone to talk to. Because, I absolutely not allowed to speak on my cell at work. And well, finally it was 5.30.
So, this day, when I'm off work, and the sun is still shining, I'll just be happy. It's too hot to be anywhere really so I'm thinking I'll just get in the shower, wet my hair and lay out in a park reading for a bit. I'm really behind on my reading for this summer, which is sad since I usually catch up on my reading during the summer. But I haven't really had any real down time this year at all, so I need to get it going!
At work, there was nobody. And I mean nobody when I say nobody. The weather was brilliant. I don't remember when Stockholm has been under such a blue sky and warm sun before. So WHO is up for cinnamon rolls, or loafs of bread in a big, super hot Galleria where there's no AC?! Well, the occasional tourist who've read in his or her guide book that Swedish cinnamon rolls are something really special. But that's IT!
So there I stood, for 7 hours. Around 12 I usually get a lunch break, but apparently not today. And, to spice things up a bit, the cash register was broken, so I couldn't lock it, and thus, couldn't even run down to the bath room down stairs. Of course, this is so illegal, but I've learnt not to complain.. What a GREAT day for being a little hung over at work. Nothing to do, no bath room, and no lunch, and no customers.
I decided to use my friends to get through the day, so I gave them the number at work, so they could call and I'd have someone to talk to. Because, I absolutely not allowed to speak on my cell at work. And well, finally it was 5.30.
So, this day, when I'm off work, and the sun is still shining, I'll just be happy. It's too hot to be anywhere really so I'm thinking I'll just get in the shower, wet my hair and lay out in a park reading for a bit. I'm really behind on my reading for this summer, which is sad since I usually catch up on my reading during the summer. But I haven't really had any real down time this year at all, so I need to get it going!
lördag 26 juli 2008
A summer's night
This week one of my absolute best friends came back to Sweden after quite a while abroad. We decided to celebrate that by a small gathering at her house outside of Stockholm. According to me, this became the ultimate summer night.
First of all, we were all close friends who've hung out together since high-school. I felt more relaxed and more like myself than I've done in a while, and that was a fantastic sensation that I'd almost forgotten about.
Anyways, we sat in her garden as the sun set. Had a simple dinner of pasta salad and broccoli, some wine and diet coke. (As that's S's and my favorite drink) Chatted away, discussed old times, old music, new times, new music, future times.
Later, after a few more glasses of wine. We went down to the lake close to her house, took a ridiculous amount of stupid pictures and topped it all of by skinny dipping in the almost luke warm water.
Then, back in her house, we rummaged around in the very back of the cabinets to find crackers and cookies, made tea, snuggled up all together on the couch to watch Alladin. Just like a bunch of 7-year-olds.
And I smiled all the way to work the next day, although the rest of the party was still sleeping, the sun was shining, and that I have a million obligations coming up fairly soon. Friends really are why we live.
First of all, we were all close friends who've hung out together since high-school. I felt more relaxed and more like myself than I've done in a while, and that was a fantastic sensation that I'd almost forgotten about.
Anyways, we sat in her garden as the sun set. Had a simple dinner of pasta salad and broccoli, some wine and diet coke. (As that's S's and my favorite drink) Chatted away, discussed old times, old music, new times, new music, future times.
Later, after a few more glasses of wine. We went down to the lake close to her house, took a ridiculous amount of stupid pictures and topped it all of by skinny dipping in the almost luke warm water.
Then, back in her house, we rummaged around in the very back of the cabinets to find crackers and cookies, made tea, snuggled up all together on the couch to watch Alladin. Just like a bunch of 7-year-olds.
And I smiled all the way to work the next day, although the rest of the party was still sleeping, the sun was shining, and that I have a million obligations coming up fairly soon. Friends really are why we live.
torsdag 24 juli 2008
Apartment hunting
I'm writing today from the jungle that has become of the search for accomodations in Uppsala. In Stockholm, there are almost no rentals in this day and age. Private landlords sell out their real estate, and thus rentals become more scarce every day. The chances of finding somewhere to live within your first year of looking are very slim, unless you happen to own a million or two and have the means to buy an apartment. And people like me, who're embarking on their big journey of about 6 years as a student, generally don't have all that money, and we're not really who the bank dreams of giving a loan either.
This is why, when I stumbled upon a first hand contract in September of last year without even having started looking, I was utterly pleased. That my tiny little "cabinet" of 24 sqaure meters is situated in the very heart of Stockholm doesn't make it much worse.
So how ironic isn't it that I have to move out of this wonderful place after a mere six months of living here?! Instead I'm to move to Uppsala. Theoretically I could commute every morning. It's only a 40 minutes' train ride away and a lot of people live in Stockholm and work in Uppsala and vice versa. But Uppsala is your archetypal "students' town" with Swedish student traditions of hundreds of years like dinners, parties, songs, hazing etc. And if you're aiming for becoming a part of all this, which I am, it's really a drag to be forced to watch the last train back to Stockholm every night. SO, I'm apartment hunting.
The municipality of Uppsala claims that it's not particularily hard to find a place to live as a student. I guess it depends on what you call a place to live.. There are tons of companies (www.studentstaden.se) societies (http://www.uppsalastudentkar.nu/bostadsjour) and fraternity like organizations (www.snerike.se) that provide housings for their members. There are apartments that are available only for students, dorms etc., and I guess the town of Uppsala is very proud of this because they keep sending me post-cards with this information.
For the past month I've been a very frequent viewer of all these web-sites, deperately trying to find some place where I can at least put my bed. I've been on all the sites recommended, and I'm telling you, it's NOT that easy to find a place. According to the waiting lists to get a decent room somewhere, one should've planned to move about 3 years ago. I thought I was early when I signed up in Feb...
So panic, or well that's a little overly dramatic, but anxiety related feelings surfaced because of all this. Especially when I got my formal acceptance letter that stressed the point that "You should by all means settle your living situation before commencing your studies since you'll practically have no time that you'll be able to devote to anything but studying once the semester starts". Thank you! Then they listed the very same web-sites yet again. Thank you! The lines are still long, and the problem still remains.
But I'm starting to see a hint of light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully, and this really is only hopefully because I don't quite believe this will happen, one of my friends who's already been in Uppsala for some time, will study somewhere else for a year a sublet her dorm room to me. Inofficially of course. And since the location is perfect, the facilities just newly renovated and restored, this would truly be the perfect catch. Living in a "corridor" as we call living in the dorms, would also be a splendid way for me to meet with some people who're not in med-school. And I'd think that to be a nothing but a positive addition to my Uppsala life.
So I'm keeping my fingers crossed, my eyes open wide and I'll most certainly touch this subject soon again.
This is why, when I stumbled upon a first hand contract in September of last year without even having started looking, I was utterly pleased. That my tiny little "cabinet" of 24 sqaure meters is situated in the very heart of Stockholm doesn't make it much worse.
So how ironic isn't it that I have to move out of this wonderful place after a mere six months of living here?! Instead I'm to move to Uppsala. Theoretically I could commute every morning. It's only a 40 minutes' train ride away and a lot of people live in Stockholm and work in Uppsala and vice versa. But Uppsala is your archetypal "students' town" with Swedish student traditions of hundreds of years like dinners, parties, songs, hazing etc. And if you're aiming for becoming a part of all this, which I am, it's really a drag to be forced to watch the last train back to Stockholm every night. SO, I'm apartment hunting.
The municipality of Uppsala claims that it's not particularily hard to find a place to live as a student. I guess it depends on what you call a place to live.. There are tons of companies (www.studentstaden.se) societies (http://www.uppsalastudentkar.nu/bostadsjour) and fraternity like organizations (www.snerike.se) that provide housings for their members. There are apartments that are available only for students, dorms etc., and I guess the town of Uppsala is very proud of this because they keep sending me post-cards with this information.
For the past month I've been a very frequent viewer of all these web-sites, deperately trying to find some place where I can at least put my bed. I've been on all the sites recommended, and I'm telling you, it's NOT that easy to find a place. According to the waiting lists to get a decent room somewhere, one should've planned to move about 3 years ago. I thought I was early when I signed up in Feb...
So panic, or well that's a little overly dramatic, but anxiety related feelings surfaced because of all this. Especially when I got my formal acceptance letter that stressed the point that "You should by all means settle your living situation before commencing your studies since you'll practically have no time that you'll be able to devote to anything but studying once the semester starts". Thank you! Then they listed the very same web-sites yet again. Thank you! The lines are still long, and the problem still remains.
But I'm starting to see a hint of light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully, and this really is only hopefully because I don't quite believe this will happen, one of my friends who's already been in Uppsala for some time, will study somewhere else for a year a sublet her dorm room to me. Inofficially of course. And since the location is perfect, the facilities just newly renovated and restored, this would truly be the perfect catch. Living in a "corridor" as we call living in the dorms, would also be a splendid way for me to meet with some people who're not in med-school. And I'd think that to be a nothing but a positive addition to my Uppsala life.
So I'm keeping my fingers crossed, my eyes open wide and I'll most certainly touch this subject soon again.
onsdag 23 juli 2008
The art of loving
Last night I read an article in a daily Swedish newspaper. It was bringing up the issue that Swedish people generally have a hard time loving themselves. I could nothing but agree with that. At the end of the article there was an unanswered question directed to the readers wondering why we have such a hard time loving ourselves. Here's my story.
I've been in love before. I love my family, I'd die for my sister, and I have certain friends that I'd definitely say I love. I've loved toys as a child, I've loved to dance, I still love to sing, to travel, to eat good foods, to watch the sunset. I'd even say I love going for walks. So, I don't have a hard time loving things. Despite all this, I can't seem to learn how to truly love myself.
When I was in elementary school I always came in second. I had a friend who was always the most popular girl in school. She was cuter, funner and just more seen than I was. As I passed on to middle school, I ended up in a class where the hierarchy was extremely pronounced. I could probably still list all the girls in my class and what "rank" they had. Obviously I wasn't among the top five. I was doing well in school, had ugly teeth, didn't drink - all of which were things that were frowned upon.
Hence I wasn't liked. I'd not say I was bullied, but I wasn't liked. I constantly felt that I needed to prove myself to all these people. So I turned to eating disorders of various types, because if I were skinnier, I'd be cuter and hotter and maybe they'd like me? But it never worked, so I kept going and going.
I also made a thing out of becoming a straight A student. Because, if I weren't hot, I'd at least be intelligent, and people would turn to me with questions about school. And what better way to prove this than to never ever fail at anything?
I'm still carrying all of this with me. I've proved my worth through achievments and approvals since the age of 10, and the only time I feel I am OK, is when somebody else tells me that I am You can imagine what being ditched by the guy you love does to a person like me, which is one of the reasons this spring has been a little difficult.
So what does one do to start loving oneself? To think that one is enough no matter what the relflexion in the mirror shows or what you score on a test? I'm working hard on figuring this out, and I hope that my moving to Uppsala will be a good start.
I've been in love before. I love my family, I'd die for my sister, and I have certain friends that I'd definitely say I love. I've loved toys as a child, I've loved to dance, I still love to sing, to travel, to eat good foods, to watch the sunset. I'd even say I love going for walks. So, I don't have a hard time loving things. Despite all this, I can't seem to learn how to truly love myself.
When I was in elementary school I always came in second. I had a friend who was always the most popular girl in school. She was cuter, funner and just more seen than I was. As I passed on to middle school, I ended up in a class where the hierarchy was extremely pronounced. I could probably still list all the girls in my class and what "rank" they had. Obviously I wasn't among the top five. I was doing well in school, had ugly teeth, didn't drink - all of which were things that were frowned upon.
Hence I wasn't liked. I'd not say I was bullied, but I wasn't liked. I constantly felt that I needed to prove myself to all these people. So I turned to eating disorders of various types, because if I were skinnier, I'd be cuter and hotter and maybe they'd like me? But it never worked, so I kept going and going.
I also made a thing out of becoming a straight A student. Because, if I weren't hot, I'd at least be intelligent, and people would turn to me with questions about school. And what better way to prove this than to never ever fail at anything?
I'm still carrying all of this with me. I've proved my worth through achievments and approvals since the age of 10, and the only time I feel I am OK, is when somebody else tells me that I am You can imagine what being ditched by the guy you love does to a person like me, which is one of the reasons this spring has been a little difficult.
So what does one do to start loving oneself? To think that one is enough no matter what the relflexion in the mirror shows or what you score on a test? I'm working hard on figuring this out, and I hope that my moving to Uppsala will be a good start.
söndag 20 juli 2008
Doing nothing
I would say I'm a very active person. I don't like just sitting around doing nothing for too long. During the past semester I danced three times a week, went two the gym at least twice a week, I bike everywhere, work, study and sing in a competitive and ambitious choir . This may sound like a lot, and it is. It's also the reason why, now that it's summer, I take any chance I get to just do nothing.
My parents have a country house about an hour's drive from Stockholm. It's very quiet. And I mean really quiet. Actually dead quiet if you count out the occational shouts from the community beach and boats that float by.
This property is the ultimate relaxing place. Nothing happens here. You get up in the morning, have breakfast, go for a walk, lay out in the sun reading, listening to the radio, have lunch, lay out in the sun some more, watch TV at night and then go to bed. It gets boring after a while, but when we're talking about a weekend, this is bliss.
Usually I'm very concered with eating healthily. I was overly concerned before but I have a more sane approach now. Now all I want is to look good, have the energy to work out, and not clog up my arteries. Fair enough.
But when you're here, you can't care about any of this. Here you just exist. Have ice-cream when you want to, have chocolate when you crave it and most of all, you don't move. You're on your deck chair, you fall in and out of sleep and you breathe. And it's so good for you. Maybe not if you do it for weeks at a time, but for a couple of days, I call it rejuvenation and recuperation. When you get back to reality with all it's stressors, you can take so much more. Your muscles can take more once they've been allowed to rest for a while. It's like you regenerate energy for months at a time by doing just nothing.
Once I become a doctor, I'll make sure I prescribe "do nothing" a lot. I think it can cure a whole lot of things. Especially when we live the way we do these days.
My parents have a country house about an hour's drive from Stockholm. It's very quiet. And I mean really quiet. Actually dead quiet if you count out the occational shouts from the community beach and boats that float by.
This property is the ultimate relaxing place. Nothing happens here. You get up in the morning, have breakfast, go for a walk, lay out in the sun reading, listening to the radio, have lunch, lay out in the sun some more, watch TV at night and then go to bed. It gets boring after a while, but when we're talking about a weekend, this is bliss.
Usually I'm very concered with eating healthily. I was overly concerned before but I have a more sane approach now. Now all I want is to look good, have the energy to work out, and not clog up my arteries. Fair enough.
But when you're here, you can't care about any of this. Here you just exist. Have ice-cream when you want to, have chocolate when you crave it and most of all, you don't move. You're on your deck chair, you fall in and out of sleep and you breathe. And it's so good for you. Maybe not if you do it for weeks at a time, but for a couple of days, I call it rejuvenation and recuperation. When you get back to reality with all it's stressors, you can take so much more. Your muscles can take more once they've been allowed to rest for a while. It's like you regenerate energy for months at a time by doing just nothing.
Once I become a doctor, I'll make sure I prescribe "do nothing" a lot. I think it can cure a whole lot of things. Especially when we live the way we do these days.
lördag 19 juli 2008
Back in business
So this is where I've succumbed to start blogging again. My life is off to a brand new start, and I've decided to write about it here.
So what has happened and what will this blog be about?
1. I'm a single girl now, with all that that encompasses. It's been a tumultous couple of months filled with heart ache, flirtatious summer nights, self-esteem doubts, bikini anxiety and a lot of fun. Inspired by SATC, I'm on my own, 21 and happy to be free to look wherever I want to. I'm sure some of my posts will be about this.
2. I'm also finally in med-school. My dream has come true, and I'll start school in Uppsala on Sept. 1st. This will definitely be a life altering experience that I've waited for since I was 17. My struggling with studying, finding a place to live etc. will all be covered here.
3. I'm still me. Singing, dancing and going to the gym. Without these things I don't function, and of course, I'll talk about that too. About my health believes and
So welcome to my new phase in life!
So what has happened and what will this blog be about?
1. I'm a single girl now, with all that that encompasses. It's been a tumultous couple of months filled with heart ache, flirtatious summer nights, self-esteem doubts, bikini anxiety and a lot of fun. Inspired by SATC, I'm on my own, 21 and happy to be free to look wherever I want to. I'm sure some of my posts will be about this.
2. I'm also finally in med-school. My dream has come true, and I'll start school in Uppsala on Sept. 1st. This will definitely be a life altering experience that I've waited for since I was 17. My struggling with studying, finding a place to live etc. will all be covered here.
3. I'm still me. Singing, dancing and going to the gym. Without these things I don't function, and of course, I'll talk about that too. About my health believes and
So welcome to my new phase in life!
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