I'm finally going down to see my man down in the south of Sweden. Hence I had to get involved, yet again, in the quest for the cheapest tickets there. Well, actually just tickets. Because since I know that the airport is far from where he lives, flying there would just be insane. So I went for train tickets. And that's when I started to think. They promote trains as the "greener" way to travel. More people fit in the train than on that tiny airplane that usually takes you to Skåne, and yet, it's so mch more expensive. It costs me almost ten times as much to take the train down there that to fly to London and back.. I think it's bizarre.

Anyhow, I'm looking forward to going with the train. I haven't since I was in China in 2002, and I have a small feeling this is a little cleaner (well, I hope at least) and less noisy.. But I suppose you never know. I don't think I'll sleep all that much having that problem of mine with more than one person in the same room. But, whatever. It'll be an experience.

Fatigue

So, it starts again. You bring your books to the library, open them all up on the right pages, rummage around in you bad to try to find a pen that's, like always, hidden on the bottom. And then you get to work. Well, here's when the days differ. Sometimes you get to work, and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you're efficient - sometimes you're not.

This week I've experienced werid things happening to my body. Weirdest of them all being that I'm just comstantly tired. And not just a little tired, no. Tired as in - head ache - stomach ache- I can't even keep my eyes open - tired. And I'm sleeping like I usually do, eating like I usually do and exercising like I usually do. What is wrong with me?! Why am I suddenly a zombie? Why do I never get to work when I should and why am I never efficient enough?

Well, after this week I'm at least educated enough to know in what column my belly ache - neuron signals travel in my spine...

For a family

Being away.
Usually, it's just an everyday thing, you adapt to it, just as our sensory neurons adapt to cold and heat. But sometimes I guess, it's harder than that. Sometimes the routines and habituary things just get thrown off their norm, and not being there is physically painful.

Of course, it would be nice to be there for birthdays, for acheivments in school, at work. For random little peaks that can only be experienced in the very moment occure. Something to keep building relatioships on. It can be hard to only exist through memories.

But those small things aren't what bothers me today. It's the big things. It's the things that make you crawl out of your skin when you hear of them. And that's when not being able to give a hug to a person you love, is so frustrating, it's almost painful.

So, in lack of other things to do; here's a list what I wish I could to for a family that I love tremendously this week.

1. Make dinner. Three courses, well, four because FB wouldn't want to eat what I'm cooking for the rest of us.
2. Take a walk with M, if only around the block.
3. Take FB to the movies on a Saturday so that M and D could have some time alone.
4. Take M out for a girls' night with mojitos.
5. Suprise them all with the house being cleaned when they come homefrom their various activities.
6. Give them all 1 million hugs and tell them to their faces that I love them.

It's the best I can do...

reflecting

Today the sky is gray. That means there's absolutely nothing to do here, and I feel like I'm wasting precious free time by wandering about, worrying about what'll happen in three weeks. It also makes me philosophical, contemplative, and very prone to missing stuff. It's like the gray clouds makes me privy to all the stuff that are miles and miles away from me.
Missing is such a peculiar feeling. For people who haven't really missed something or somebody, it's incomprehensible, indescribable. Missing somebody that's gone for a month or a week, like the situation with me and my boyfriend, is one thing. Missing something without knowing when you'll get to see it again, is a different story.
To survive missing something like that, you need to push it aside. You have to tell yourself that it exists, but for another time. You need to focus on what you have and how to make the best out of it. How can you gain the most from this "missing mission"? How can it help you grow? In other words you need to find a meaning. You need to learn coping skills, like with all things that makes life, life. You need to try to see the positive sides, like how much easier it is to write somebody about your problems than to tell somebody face to face. How happy you get when you do get an answer to that e-mail. Suffice it to say, you just need to live with it.
But sometimes that missing feeling just takes over hand. That's when you have to tie yourself to the bedpost, so you don't do anything rash, like spend all your money on an airplane ticket to the duece for example. I wonder how many times I've been about to do just that.
So that makes me think about all the people missing things they'll never ever get to see again. I'm so happy that all the people and things I miss are still there, still standing. Not blown away by war or decisions made by somebody much more poweful than us earth-bound humans. At least I get to have the people I miss within reach. And they are in my life, able to help me get through tough times, all in their own, separate ways.That's invaluable.

A very tired Friday

Certain things make you upset and certain don't. Probably not a new thought in anybody's mind.But did you know why they do? Well, I know. And I'm not very happy about it.
The reason is simply because our body is made up of a huge amount of cells of which I have to know the names. And all those cells make up different types of tissue of which I also have to know the names. And then all those tissues are subdivided into categories of which I also have to know the names. And it goes on and on from there.

I had no idea studying could be this demanding. It's not even a matter of understanding. It's just a matter of giving up everything else in your life and replace it with endless hours of cramming stuff into your head. At least I know it won't get any worse than this. But it's not particularily comforting at this time.

Just an outburst of anger and despair. Not much of a post really. But, becuase of the fact that our, pretty amazing, bodies have three different types of cartilige in them, I have other stuff to attend to.